Simplyfying the Game of Golf

It's a big week in the house as my husband prepares for what will likely become an annual golf outing amongst his friends. On my end, I've tried to befriend golf, learn from it and appreciate it. In addition to playing a large role in my husband's life and social circle, I'm a curious person by nature - I've tried to get inside the game and inside the mindset. It's a been a very bizarre journey, to say the least.

After several years of study, here's my conclusion:

Golf is complicated. Beyond complicated.

It's a game of contradictions and needless complexity. Where else in life can you have something such as a great handicap? Where else do you improve your score by actually lowering it? Where else can you have tremendous etiquette (collared shirts, proper shoes, respectful noise levels) but then offer beers along the way and look the other way when men need to relieve themselves behind a tree?

As for the needless complexity, if you ask me (and believe me, no one has), there's a few simple ideas that could really help the game:

1. The Clubs. Let's be honest here - you need three clubs. A putter, a 7 iron and maybe a sand wedge. Irons, woods (which have no wood, by the way), graphite, titanium, hybrids - it's all nonsense. The object of the game is to make contact with that little white nuisance of a ball. Carry all the clubs you want; compare all the brands and styles. None of it will draw the ball closer to the club. In the end, you'll reach for the 7 iron and pray your putting helps your game. So, let's just call the bag of clubs what it is -marketing at its best and every golfer has fallen big time for this trap (pun intended).

As a side note, don't try to buy golf clubs for the loved one. It'd be easier to take a crash course in nuclear physics than figure out what type of clubs to buy. I went the gift certificate route this Christmas - big hit and far less stressful.

2. 18 Holes. I don't know who came up with 18 holes but they should have been institutionalized. 18 holes is forever and it is likely the real reason both the beer and beautiful scenery are required at every course. Somewhere along the way, someone got smart and allowed for nine hole courses (likely an angry wife). But as any golfer will tell you, nine is not enough. Listen, Goldilocks - 9 is fine but if we must up the ante, we definitely don't need to double it. 12 would be just right.

3. The greens. Come on, getting on the green is an accomplishment unto itself. Let's forget the putting. Think of the stress it would relieve and the time it would save. In fact, if putting were taken out of this game, we could in effect eliminate the need for idea #1 and #2 - you wouldn't need a putter and you could likely continue on with the absurdity of 18 holes and still make it home for dinner (avoiding spousal conflict)

In any event, my ideas will go about as far as my next golf shot so we may just have to accept the fact that this game is here to stay. In the meantime, Scottsdale, here they come - another group of 30-somethings, equipped with new shiny clubs, enough trash talk to last three days and, most importantly, the dream of owning bragging rights within their circle of friends.

After all, that's what golf is really about, isn't it?